Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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