The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
