We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
