i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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