I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do vagina's smell?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
