I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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