what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize