I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
