man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
