Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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