On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
