I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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