Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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