toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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