I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh god it's open bar.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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