We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
