I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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