Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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