apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
