He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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