dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
