Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
