I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
