im six kinds of drunk right now
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
