Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this boner is exhausting
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
