I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
