Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
