It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
