When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
