I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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