She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
