I think im going to throw up on grandma
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
