I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
