I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
