I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
