I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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