I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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