So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who did Billy Mays play for?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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