Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize