I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
