Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we made out on top of his cat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
