I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's like iHOP with fire
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
