How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
