Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
