im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
