you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
