I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
