OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
