Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
