the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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