Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
where does the pee come out of this thing
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
