i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
