so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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