all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
