She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
