I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
