my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
