The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
