Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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