Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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