you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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