When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
