His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
