After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
