Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
