I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
