Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
