We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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