So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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