I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Randomize
